choosingWARS

exchanging stickies with an officemate..

nikki: ei tsong, ok ka lang? tindi ng sagutan ah.
officemate: ok lang ako. matira matibay. sya ang bumigay.
nikki: iba ka talaga. di ko kaya ang gawa mo. lamat na naman yan. although lalaban din naman ako pag nasaid na ko. pero iiyak pa rin ako. haha.
officemate: iyakin ka kasi. hindi pwede ang ganun. if she wants war, i'll give her war. so dapat may bala ka lagi.
nikki: i can give you war if you ask one. pero mangyayari lang talaga yun pag said na ko. tsaka, elitista kasi ako. i need to choose my wars well. haha.
officemate: hindi kasi ako kagaya mo na napa ka structured na tao na pati pag laban naka checklist.
nikki: di ninyo talaga tatantanan ang checklist ko ha. sige, good luck girl!

am i really that structured?
i wonder...

103012tiusday

orWHATEVER

at kung ang pagsinta ay di man nagtagal
ang mas mahalaga natutong magmahal
umibig na walang panghihinayang
kahit malamang na masaktan

he always saw himself as a ninja.  and just like a true ninja he lived in his own forms of silence, knows all types of combat and was invincible in his ways. but he was no ordinary ninja.  he was extra special. because aside from his mighty skills, he knew love. in that submission to love, he became vulnerable. he was doing well with love as his new weapon until he met and encountered pain.suddenly, things were never the same again.

ang pag asa'y walang hanggan
pag ibig ay walang hadlang
at lilipad ang saranggola sa ulan

like any other pain story, his was not too far from an isolation. its the same broken hearts, unfulfilled promises, vanished dreams, shattered pieces, bucket of tears, wrong directions, can't eat, can't sleep, lost souls,  tulala and more tulala and tulala uli. he experienced every grueling form of falling and unfathomable dying. 

then again, as he has embraced love so tightly, it was even more powerful than letting himself lose in the process. love as the mightiest weapon, taught him to look up again, and see hope in his brokenness, one step at a time.

ang bato sa tubig ay lulutang
at lilipad ang saranggola sa ulan

any form of love never promised that the journey would be a bed of roses. embracing love is the same way as embracing the bumpy roads of life, the roller coaster of emotions. embracing love teaches one to be vulnerable yet hopeful that life has a lot more to offer than the pain that circumstances can bring.

he always thought he was a ninja. and although ninjas are invincible, it doesn't mean they don't get hurt. and so, sometimes, new warriors come along.

that was when blue ranger was born. so whether or not the ninja will return, what is important is that he knew love. and he in truth, loved deeply too.

at the end of the day, ninjas or blue rangers will always be special treats from heaven. after all, they were made and are meant to be that way in the lives of the chosen few.

and when they are ready again, lilipad ang saranggola sa ulan.

at gaya ng mga MyangLigaw, i will wait for that one day when i will see a full smile on the ninja's or the blue ranger's face.

no regrets coach,
only hope.

102312tiusday
lifted some lines from saranggola sa ulan ni gary granada

eaglesWINGS

its exactly 2 weeks ago when someone asked me how i am doing, and i heard myself saying "im okay. i am happy."

i cried when i realized that after a very long time, it was only on that day that i said "i am happy." those were happy tears of course. finally, i know that my wings are stronger and are ready for its next big flight.

in introspection, i know that i really cannot change things anymore. what i have now is way different with what i used to have. i may have lost some people along the way, but my life would have been colorless if not for them anyway.  i may have not known this side of me if i did not risk and go out of my comfort zone. i may still be afraid of death if i did not see and experience dying.

life will always be a big mystery in many ways. but one thing for sure, what are written in the stars will fall in its place according to the Master's perfect time.

i miss naga. i miss adnu. i miss the people. i miss my nagaMoOn.

but i am happy where i am now.
finally, i have learned to embrace that i am exactly where God wants me to be.

i am teary-eyed now, but yes,
along with this big sigh coming, is my heart and souls' whisper that
i am happy.
i am okay.
i am home.

102212happyMonday

CBhangover

the wind whistles a comforting invitation.
you respond like you're taking in the sweetness of amihan.
you enter a new world again. that which is weird but gives you meaning.
you embrace a state of comfort zone. you again transform in your carefree spirit.
dawn breaks and you part.
you face sunrise and pulls you to retrospect. you dislike it.
your heart whispers its okay. your mind tells otherwise.
you retrospect even more. you start to feel stupid all over for being vulnerable.
you stare at that same ceiling, having that all-too-familiar feeling once more.
you let out a deep and long sigh.
you close your eyes then allow slumber to take you to neverland.
you wake staring at those visions of  the night's face.
you let out a deep and long sigh.
you realize its another day.
you see visions again. you smile. you frown. you feel blessed. you feel stupid.
it will be another 2 or 3 days of roller coaster emotions.
and then you are well again.
welcome to your usual captain barbel cycle.


09242012monday with monday blues

number21326

"great things start from small beginnings... " 
each runner runs his own race. some run for fun. some run to win. some run for health. some run to give. ikaw, ano ang hinahabol mo?

i signed up for the 2012 21k milo marathon to join some of my friends who will be running their first full marathon. i hardly trained for the run because i chose to focus on learning how to swim.  so, for almost 6 months, it was more of swimming than running. but yes, i still pushed through with the signing up.

my phone started to make noise at 2:00 am on race day. it was my sign to wake up and prep up for the run. i started to have second thoughts of pushing. the urge of just staying with my bed and enjoy my sleep was too strong. my mind was telling me that since there was no training, it will be really foolish of me to continue. my phone alarmed a couple of times more.. at 2.30 am, i found myself getting up and proceed with the original plan.

i arrived at the mall of asia start up area an hour early before gunstart. my heart was on its usual cheer up mode as i started to see the green shades all around (pretty much the sight of dlsu color)... i was hearing myself say.. "God, i really love this color.."... then i started to hear the milo song again.. i really love that song.. its like potion to a goal and a dream...it was fun to be surrounded by many runners, and they are from all ages.. really a happy sight and emotion for me..

i never got to see my friends before gunstart.. but i didn't feel alone because the presence of all other runners were enough to keep me company.. then there it is, the signal that soon it will be run time.. :) then bang!!! the 21k runners are up on the road.

my mind was kinda worried that i wont get to the 10k cut off time.. but i just continued running.. i was praying for strength because i really want to reach the finish line..  i was actually happy that i met my personal target for the 10k mark... i started to worry for the remaining distance.. i rejoiced when rain started to pour in.. i was really praying for it because i feel better running in the rain.. the company of rain made me feel like i am supergirl.. :) as i reached the 15k mark, i found myself laughing.. i was just thinking how foolish i am for signing up for the run without really training for it.. i realized it was a crazy thing for me to do.. but then, there was no other way but to just keep running and push myself to more limits..

17k mark started to make things worst... my lower legs were starting to hurt big time.. i was thinking of stopping but i felt that i'll collapse if i stop.  so i decided to walk and run until i reached the finish line.

like any run that i do, whether meeting my target time or not, reaching the finish line is always an accomplishment for me. i was laughing after realizing that my time today was even longer than my first 21k run with two sprained ankles.  this only proved true that trainings are important in everything that we do.. (lol).. but then again, a finish line is always icing on the cake for people who love running but are not very good with it.. (lol)... 

later i was joined by two of my friends who ran the 42k category. aldrin got himself a finisher's medal, while kuya rodel was not not able to meet the cut off time but still completed it anyway.  it was a rainy sunday race, but it was happiness to the heart.

it took me 3.12 hours to finish.. but it was 3.12 grueling but glorious and happy hours for me. 

i first joined the milo fun run 3 years ago. running for milo is my way of sharing a little piece of myself to other kids. running for milo is making dreams one step closer to many children. running for milo means giving shoes out of hard work, determination, and generous hearts.

i run because it brings me closer to God.
i run to give.
i run to heal. (someday soon).
sa ngayon, iyon muna ang hinahabol ko.

073112tuesday