forMAMA

did you ever know that you're my hero
in everything i would like to be
i could fly higher than an eagle
for you are the wind beneath my wings

happy birthday mama..
i love you.


103110sunday

tinyANGEL

 

its the time of the year when we remember people who have gone ahead of us to be in the place of no worries and pain.. here's a poem in remembrance of my light..

 

Tiny Angels rest your wings
sit with me for awhile.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see your tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear....
That I will forget your precious face
Is my biggest fear.
Tiny Angel can you tell me,
Why you have gone away?
You weren't here for very long....
Why is it, you couldn't stay?
Tiny Angel shook his head,
"These things I do not know....
But I do know that you love me,
And that I love you so".

Author Unknown 

103110sunday

littleSOPHIA

still inspired of the kids who visited our office yesterday, i took some time to search the net for happy faces of children.. here are my top 5 favorites..

on top of the world (1972) collin key

smile from tadalo

a smile just for you mama by chance photos

happy children's day from life in Asianz

sophia torres upton: my niece who's been in the U of  A hospital for almost 2 years now for her berlin heart transplant

 http://www.edmontonsun.com/news/edmonton/2010/10/20/15760796.html

103010saturday

blueWALLS

nasa kabilang kwarto ako kanina. tumingin ako sa bintana at natukalasan ko na mas maganda palang tingnan doon ang nagsisilbing pansamanta kong buwan. habang nakatanaw ako sa malayo, naisip kong maganda rin pagmasdan ang iba't ibang ilaw ng mga gusali ng siyudad. may pula, dilaw, berde, at sympre asul.. kung titingin ka naman sa baba, masisilayan ang iba't ibang uri ng sasakyan at maririnig din ang sari saring busina nito. matatanaw din ang mga taong naglalakad pauwi, samantalang ang iba nama'y mukhang papasok palang sa pang gabing trabaho..

nagpakawala ng isang malalim na buntong hiniga.. hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin lubusang mayakap kung bakit ipinagpalit ko ang mga totoong bituin, sariwang hangin, at ang napaka gandang liwanag ng buwan.. ang tunog na dala ng mga kuliglig, pati na ang tahimik at malamig na simoy ng gabi.. tama nga ba ang naging pasya..

nagpakawala ng isang buntong hininga na may kasabay na ngiti.. tama ang naging pasya, mayayakap din ng buo pagdating ng panahon..


muling tiningnan ang kalawakan ng siyudad at ang mga ilaw na nagbibigay liwanag sa pansamantalang langit..
muling pinakinggan ang mga busina ng sasakayan na nagsisilbing pansamantalang musika..
muling sinilayan ang mga taong hindi kilala at nagsisilbing kasama sa bagong tahanan..

ito ang buhay na ginagalawan ko ngayon.. 
sa kabilang dako ng langit na ito,
ay ang buhay at mga taong inaasahan kong babalikan ko sa tamang panahon..


103010saturday

oneDAY

it's trick or treat time.. i remember last sunday when Pilosopong Komikero and i went to the mall and watched some kids had their trick or treats.. i was feeling both happy and sad.. happy because of the many kids in their best costumes.. there were fairies and witches.. there was spiderman, buzzlightyear, snowwhite, and the cutest of all, aang.. PK was asking me kung ano ang sakaling costume ng anak ko.. i told him it would definitely be aang  kung lalake, and rapunzel kung babae.. we were both laughing when i said that rapunzel will have to stay at the 2nd floor of the mall so she can let he hair down while the program is going on at the ground floor...

anyway, yesterday, kids from a certain school visited our office for a fund raising. instead of the usual trick or treat, they performed a song and dance for us, and sold us fruit salad.. they were in their costumes too.. they started to sing and dance the song of Matishayu's (ft akon) One day.. i was so happy watching them.. and suddenly again, i started to cry..

i just remembered an angel, that's why...


anyway again, if you have time, try checking out the song, and imagine little boys and girls singing it..

christmas time is approaching, and i too pray, that one day, all children in the world will have all the time they want to just play and laugh their hearts out..

sometimes I lay
under the moon
and thank God I'm breathing
then I pray
don't take me soon
cause I am here for a reason

sometimes in my tears I drown
but I never let it get me down
so when negativity surrounds
I know some day it'll all turn around
 
because
all my life I've been waiting for
I've been praying for
for the people to say
that we don't wanna fight no more
they'll be no more wars
and our children will play
 

one day 

it's not about
win or lose
we all lose
when they feed on the souls of the innocent
blood drenched pavement
keep on moving though the waters stay raging

 
in this maze you can lose your way (your way)
it might drive you crazy but don't let it faze you no way (no way)

sometimes in my tears I drown
but I never let it get me down
so when negativity surrounds
I know some day it'll all turn around
 
because
all my life I've been waiting for
I've been praying for
for the people to say
that we don't wanna fight no more
they'll be no more wars
and our children will play

one day 

one day this all will change
treat people the same
stop with the violence
down with the hate
one day we'll all be free
and proud to be
under the same sun
singing songs of freedom like

one day

all my life I've been waiting for
I've been praying for
for the people to say
that we don't wanna fight no more
they'll be no more wars
and our children will play

103010saturday

silentSANCTUARY

kakatapos ko lang basahin ang blog ni Pilosopong Komikero. natuwa naman ako sa mga litratong nakapaskil. mas natuwa ako nung malamang nananakit pa rin ang katawan niya dahil sa takbong ginawa.

pagkatapos ay lumabas ako ng opisina at pumunta sa pantry area namin.  biglang may narinig akong pamilyar na kanta. sa di inaaasahan, bumuhos bigla ang mga luha.

nagulat ang mga kasamahan. nagulat din ako dahil hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong kahinaan.  tumawa kami bigla, sabay tanong nila sa akin.. kailangan mo bang tao na uumpog ng ulo mo sa pader para matauhan ka?... sinabi kong hindi, eraser lang okay na sa akin..

wala lang, naiisip ko lang bigla na mahina pa rin ako.. putot pa rin ang mga pakpak ko.. at malabo pa rin ang paningin ko..

kaya naman hindi nagiging malinaw ang pag basa sa mga mapa at direksyon..
kaya may mga panahon ng u-turns..
kaya may mga stop overs..

pero sige lang, malaki pa naman ang mall para ikutin ng paulit ulit kapag nalulungkot ako..
at marami pang librong maaaring basahin sa mga benches ng mall kapag ayaw ko pang umuwi..

pasara na ang mall, sa susunod naman siguro...

102810thursday

goodmorningHEARTACHE

dahil wala na naman akong magawa, pinili kong manood ng libreng pelikula sa isang mall na malapit sa amin.  libre ang sine dahil sa tinatawag nilang italian film festival. kaya naman pumila din ako sa libreng tiket.

pangalawang pagkakataon ko na itong manood ng sine na libre. inaabangan ko talaga ang mga pelikulang dayuhan na walang bayad. maganda rin kasing tuklasin ang kulturang iniikutan ng mga kwento nila.  madalas, ang mga palabas ay maikukumpara sa mga pelikulang indi dito sa atin.

di ko naman pinipili ang pinapanood ko.  kung ano ang palabas sa oras ng pagdating ko, iyon ang pinapanood ko.  kita mo nga naman, nakakatuwang malaman pagkatapos kong kumuha ng tiket, na ang pamagat ng pelikula ay good morning heartache. nakakatuwa naman ang pagkakataong binigay sa akin.  ang langit talaga..

sa isang bahagi ng pelikula, sumayaw ang babae sa saliw ng isang kanta.. basahin ang bawat kataga at tulutang makiramdam ang puso sa sinasabi ng kanta..

Good morning heartache
You old gloomy sight
Good morning heartache
Thought we said goodbye last night
I turned and tossed until it seems you have gone
But here you are with the dawn

 

Wish I could forget you,
but you are here to stay
It seems I met you
When my love went away
Now everyday it seems I'm saying to you
Good morning heartache what's new

Stop haunting me now
Can't shake you no how
Just leave me alone
I've got those Monday blues
Straight to Sunday blues

Good morning heartache
Here we go again
Good morning heartache
You're the one
Who knows me well
Might as well get use to you hanging around
Good morning heartache
Sit down 

walang and they lived happily ever after effect ang pelikula..
ganun pa man, nahanap nila pareho sa huli ang katahimikan na ninanais nila..


sa susunod na libreng pelikula uli...
sana, kasama na kita..


102810thursday

number00894

the second run was for the grace to become hopelessly optimistic and to allow God (the king of the road) to (seriously, with my open heart) take the wheel..

i was afraid i'd fail to join the race because Coach could not make it.  good thing that last minute i was able to reach Pilosopong Komikero to join me.  besides, the registration was already paid and the kit was ready for use.

after almost two weeks of no run, i was happy to make it to ultra yesterday to have a quick warm up.  although it should have been rest day for me to prepare for the race, i still decided to have a few rounds  at the oval.  after awhile, rain started to fall.  since i was not yet satisfied with the warm up, i decided to continue running under the rain.  it actually felt good.  interestingly, music playing when the rain started to pour was please don't stop the rain by james morrison.  after a few rounds, i decided to stop for fear of getting sick and not making it to the race afterall.  haha.. it was just then that i realized that beside me doing his stretching was actor polo raveles, together with his brother and probably, his girlfriend. anyway...

the day of the marathon came.  yey.. Pilosopong Komikero and I should have been awardees of being early birds. i don't know if we were just too excited that we even came way earlier than many of the organizers.  haha.. it was really funny.. he was running for the 10k category so his gunstart came earlier than ours. for the 5k runners (the hardcore runners they say :) ) followed after an interval of maybe 15 minutes.

i was hoping i'd beat my previous record. monitoring my pace and time, i knew the difference would not be significant.  i reached the finish line with OMG, wesley gonzalez 3 steps ahead of me.  time read.. 38 minutes.. it is just a minute lower than my previous.. but still the same, the run really felt good.. thank God i reached the finish line.

hmm.. i must say it was really another achievement for me.  i must say i really enjoyed the run even if it was running in the category without a friend along. i must still say, i am proud of myself. :)

after the run, Pilosopong Komikero and i decided to stay for awhile and to watch the program.  robbie domingo came up the stage and Pilosopong Komikero was laughing out loud to see my face turned all-red.. haha.. i really did not understand why, but my heart was jumping to see him  (he passed by me during the race)..well, just another simple joy.. and then of course, there was coach rio de la cruz and chris tiu.. hay.. just really a beautiful sunday to embrace.. just too bad the camera went off earlier than we expected, so, bad news... no pictures with them.. bottomline.. it is still another sunday i celebrate..

running target time was not met, but another achievement on my m-list (RFID result 37:59).. i know i will still have my chances..

we went home and decided to spend the hour before lunch on swimming.. water was cold, but the chance to give the heart another form of breathing was a gift..

for now, one cup of rice for the run, and another cup of rice for the swim.. with 3 pieces of tinapa and sunny-side-up egg.. closing it with buko pie for desert and text messages to my sweet peas..

next race is on nov 7... bluerun here i come..

102410sunday

akaiITO

maaari ko bang tanungin kung kumusta siya?
maaari ko bang hilingin na masilayan ang kahit napipilitan niyang ngiti?

maaari ko bang masulyapan ang mga matang nagpapagaan sa aking kalooban?

maaari ko bang mahawakan kahit dulo lang ng kanyang daliri?
maaari ko bang amuyin ang kanyang buhok?

maaari ko ba syang yakapin sa loob ng kahit labing apat na segundo lamang?
maaari ko ba syang ngitian?
maaari ko bang sabihin na miss ko na siya?

hai7..

102110thursday

pbTHREE

What is loss?
The echo that surrounds the word gone.

What is love?
The deepest of your heart’s desires.

-green angel by alice hoffman- 


101910tuesday

inLIMBO

pagkalipas ng ilang buwan dito sa bagong langit ko, masaya akong banggitin na paunti-unting nagsisimula ang pag buo ng bagong mga kaibigan.  aaminin ko, hirap akong bumuo ng bagong mga kakampi dito. hindi ko lubos maintindihan pero mismong puso ko ang bumubulong na takot itong ibukas ang sarili ng buong-buo. nararamdaman ko ang takot sa bawat pag sisikap na ginagawa para sagutin ang mga tanong na binibitawan nila.

"bakit ka nga ba umalis ng naga? bakit mas pinili  mong mag umpisa dito kahit mukhang hirap ka at hindi ka masaya?"

ang walang kamatayang tanong ng mga tao sa bagong paligid ko. at sa tuwing itatanong ito, bumabagal ang ikot ng mundo ko, pipilitin na ngumiti, magbubuntong hininga, at bibigkasin na pabulong.. dahil iyon lang ang alam kong tamang gawin sa mga oras na iyon... dahil takot akong makita ang mga araw na darating pa..

makikita ang nalilitong expression ng mga mukha nila.. mapapailing na lang at wari'y kahit may mga gusto pang itanong, naiintindihan nilang mainam na   hwag na lang.. dadaan ang anghel ng ilang segundo, hanggang may isang magpipilit na bumuo ng panibagong pag uusapan...

masaya ang mga taong nasa bagong lungga.. at nararamdaman kong pinipilit din nila akong sabayan sa bawat araw ko.. at sa tuwing nasisilayan ko ang pagpasok ng gabi, pilit kong hinahanap ang sagot sa nag iisang tanong ko pa rin sa sarili ko.. bakit hanggang ngayon?

sabi ni Seth kagabi, hindi naman daw ako tanga.. hindi lang daw ako nag cocooperate..

ayon naman kay Pusong Matapang,"maybe you're using wrong maps,, or maybe you're confusing avenues and streets,, or maybe even roadsigns are confusing you.. follow your heart instead, it will surely take you where you want to go.."

tama si Seth, hindi ko pa rin madisiplina sarili ko sa mga kilos at desisyon ko.. hindi ko naman maintindihan si Pusong Matapang dahil simula't simula naman, hindi ako natigil sa pakikinig sa sinasabi at natatanging alam ng puso ko..

mali nga ba ang mapang tinitingnan ko? nalilito pa rin nga ba ako sa pagbasa ng mga pangalan ng mga daan na dapat kong puntahan? hanggang kailan ba maliligaw ang dating pusong malaya?

kung sa marathon lang, talong-talo na ako.. sabi sa Party Pilipinas, 7 months and counting.. kelan ba matatapos ang counting...

dagdag pa rin ni Pusong Matapang, maligaw man daw, ang mahalaga walang sukuan..

ang totoo, minsan iniisip ko kung paano ba kung itaas ko na ang puting bandila? paano kung piliin ko na lang na tumingala sa langit, tingnan sa huling pagkakataon ang buwan at mga bitwuin, ngumiti, baunin ang huling salitang ibinigkas, ipikit ang mata at pagkatapos ay hayaan na sumama ang kaluluwa sa hangin...

minsan iniisip ko iyon..
minsan iyon ang pakiramdam kong tanging nag iisang sagot sa matagal ko ng tanong.. bakit hanggang ngayon?

101710sunday

growingPAINS

i am literally shaking right now. my hands are too cold. i just did another u-turn.
lagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko, what i don''t know won't hurt me"..
ang kaso, hindi ko pa rin maiwasan ang paminsan minsan na maghanap ng mga sagot sa tanong ko..
in the end, i lose..
i lose really bad..
dahil paulit ulit kong pinapatalo  ang sarili ko.  


i'm really hurting right now.  i just want to run outside and cry out loud. i'm just too tired of going back to zero.
too tired, yet i can't leave things behind. too hurt, yet still holding everything like diamonds in my hand.
too hurt, yet letting my heart beat with the same music of the dance.


my hands are still too cold. if only i can freeze time right now. i don't want this feeling anymore..
i just want to cry like a little girl whose too scared because she doesn't know what to do.  
takot ako, galit ako, nasasaktan ako,
takot akong nakikitang muli ang mga luha ko, pati marinig bawat tibok ng puso ko. 

my hands are still cold, yet it remains tightly closed.
why am i too scared to just open my hands?
why am i too frightened to just close my eyes and smile, that once upon a twice, it happened.  
why is it so hard to embrace that the third time was the end. 


it should be goodbye now, not see you later.
it should be.




101610saturday

behindU-TURNS

kung bibigyan ako ng Diyos ng pagkakataon na muli kang makasama johnny, hihintayin ko na lang ang araw na iyon.. -jenny, endless love-
 

because true love can never forget

don't you go,away, I know,
without your love,
i'll never find my way back home

'cause you and me,
so happily,
make all our dreams of make believe reality

la la la la la la la la la la la

troubles, never find us there
oh, bubbles, float through the air,

float through the air
float through the air air air air

la la la la la la la la la la la

so don't you go,
away, I know,
without your love,
i'll never find my way back home,
i'll never find my way back home,
no, no,
i'll never find my way back home,
no, no,
i'll never find my way back home
 
-find my way back home, priscilla ahn-

kagaya ng karaniwang istorya ng pag ibig, hindi man nasabing "and they lived happily ever after" sina johnny at jenny, mararamdaman na naging higit pa sa "ever after" ang kanilang pagmamahal sa isa't-isa..  hindi naman ako kinikilig tuwing napapanood namin ang telenovela, pero pinahintulutan ako nitong patuloy na tuklasin ang hiwaga at majikang napapaloob sa pusong tumataya at pinipiling mag mahal ng tapat at wagas.. totoo nga na ang tunay na pag ibig lamang ang magdadala saiyo sa pinakamamahal at nag-iisang kilalang tahanan ng puso mo.. at totoo din, na ang tunay na pag ibig ay hindi kailanman nagagawang kalimutan lang..

maybe, (just maybe) behind u-turns are what they also call "endless"...
just mabye..



101510friday

fedEX

sa isang upuan sa simbahan, nakita ko ang isang bangkang papel.
naalala ko lang, may ilang beses ko din itong ginawa sa dati kong langit.. ang isulat ang mga nararamdaman, gawing bangkang papel, at iwan sa simbahan. 
sa pag iisip na baka ganun din ang intensyon ng may gawa ng bangka, kinuha ko ito at inalam kung may napapaloob na sulat..


meron nga.. hindi akosigurado kung babae o lalake ang may akda. pero pamilyar saakin ang pakiramdam na isinisigaw ng bawat salitang naisulat.. 

mukha mo pa rin ang nais kong makita sa bawat pagbukas ng pinto. 

pangalan mo pa rin ang hinihintay kong masilayan sa bawat tunog ng aking cellphone.

mga ngiti mo pa rin ang baon ko sa tuwing ipipikit ko ang mga mata ko.

gusto kitang ipagtimpla uli ng kape, ipaghimay ng kinakain mong manok.

gusto kong kantahan kitang muli ng mga awit kahit hindi ko ito memorize.

gusto kong manatili lang sa paborito nating upuan kahit hindi tayo nagsasalita.

nasaan ka na ba? kelan ka ba babalik?

hanggang ngayon, ikaw pa rin.

bahagi lang ito ng nasusulat sa papel. ganun pa man, madaling intindihin ang nais ipahiwatig sa langit.  iniisip ko, ano kaya ang itsura ng may akda nito? ano kaya ang mararamdaman ko kapag nasilayan ko ang mga mata niya? totoo kaya ang mga ngiting ipinapakita niya? kumusta kaya siya ngayon? iniisip pa rin kaya niya ang taong tinutukoy niya sa sulat? ano kayang nangyari sa kanila? babalik pa kaya ang taong nawala sa kanya? mahal pa kaya siya nito? makakarating kaya sa langit ang sulat niya? narinig kaya ang dasal niya?

ginawa kong muli ang bangkang papel at nilagay sa dati nitong pwesto.  naalala ko ang blog entry kong paperboats.. yun nga lang, mga awitin ang laman noon.. 

nalungkot din ako noong nabasa ko ang sulat.. kahit gusto kong ipagdasal na sana ay bumalik na ang taong hinihintay ng may akda, hirap akong maniwala na mangyayari pa ang nais niya.. hindi ko alam kung ano ang tamang ibubulong ko sa langit para sa kanya.. ang alam ko lang, nais kong mahanap niya na lang ang sarili niyang lakas, kahit siya'y nangungulila sa nawalang minamahal.. sana lang, makarating sa langit ang sulat niya...

ewan ko ba.. sana kasi madali lang gawin ang pagpalaya.. sana kasi, madali lang din makalimot..

101010sunday

luckyNINE

PilosopongKomikero already posted his early Christmas wishlist.. i thought of doing the same too.. only that, they are books which i hope, by the end of the year, will be in my bookshelf.. (p.s. i am accepting pledges for this list..) 

life of Pi (Yann Martel).
"This is the story of Pi Patel, a young boy who is abandoned at sea with a bunch of animals from his father's zoo. Pi must learn to make friends with a Bengal tiger and in the process he learns many things about himself and the nature of faith. This book can also be seen as a religious allegory. "

the beautiful between (Allysa Sheinmel)
"what if the witch really loved rapunzel?"
a female sophomore named Connelly Sternin always thought she was Rapunzel, cooped up in her apartment studying nonstop. But one day a really popular guy named Jeremy Cole asks her if she needed help with physics. In return he needed help with SATs. She thinks Jeremy could be a prince from the fairy tales. She said yes. As every page is turned and read, Connelly tries to discover the cause of her father's death. Jeremy befriends Connelly because his sister and Connelly's father have something in common which will be revealed if you read to the end.


flight to the stars (Samantha Mae Coyiuto)
a collection of stories to help children to believe in the power of dreams and to treasure family ties.

elsewhere (Gabrielle Zevin)
 Elsewhere talks of a deceased girl, Liz, who dies from a bicycle accident and wakes up to find herself traveling on a boat. Liz slowly realizes that she is dead after watching her own funeral, and eventually, she arrives in what is known as Elsewhere.  Liz has been told that everyone in Elsewhere age backwards from the day they died to the day of their birth, and are then sent back to Earth to be reincarnated as a baby.

Soon, she learns that a life lived backwards is not that much different to a life lived forwards.

for one more day (Mitch Albom)
Every family is a ghost story..
a story of a relationship that covers a lifetime and beyond. It explores the question: What would you do if you could spend one more day with a lost loved one?"

ash (Malinda Lo)

In the wake of her father’s death, Ash is left at the mercy of her cruel stepmother. Consumed with grief, her only joy comes by the light of the dying hearth fire, re-reading the fairy tales her mother once told her. In her dreams, someday the fairies will steal her away, as they are said to do. When she meets the dark and dangerous fairy Sidhean, she believes that her wish may be granted.

The day that Ash meets Kaisa, the King’s Huntress, her heart begins to change. Instead of chasing fairies, Ash learns to hunt with Kaisa. Though their friendship is as delicate as a new bloom, it reawakens Ash’s capacity for love—and her desire to live. But Sidhean has already claimed Ash for his own, and she must make a choice between fairy tale dreams and true love.

safe haven (Nicholas Sparks) 
Love hurts. There is nothing as painful as heartbreak. But in order to learn to love again you must learn to trust again. Katie realizes that a choice must be made between a life of transient safety and one of riskier rewards... and that in the darkest hour, love is the only true safe haven.

a thousand splendid sun (K'haled Hoseini)

“There is only one skill a woman like you and me needs in life and they don’t teach it in school – And its this – Endure”

Afghan setting - It is a tale of two generations of characters brought jarringly together by the tragic sweep of war, where personal lives—the struggle to survive, raise a family, find happiness—are inextricable from the history playing out around them.

the particular sadness of lemon cake (Aime Bender) On the eve of her ninth birthday, unassuming Rose Edelstein, a girl at the periphery of schoolyard games and her distracted parents’ attention, bites into her mother’s homemade lemon-chocolate cake and discovers she has a magical gift: she can taste her mother’s emotions in the cake.. a luminous tale about the enormous difficulty of loving someone fully when you know too much about them.. written to make you appreciate every existence of language..

here's my lucky nine..

that's what you get when you become friends with bookstores..

and that's also what you get when you decide to leave your heaven on earth..

by the way, here's also a list of books i have read recently which you can browse during your boring days..

a child called it (Dave Pelzer)

the lost boy (Dave Pelzer)

a man named dave (Dave Pelzer)

letters to sam (Daniel Gottlieb)

charlie st. cloud (Ben Sherwood)

eat.pray.love. (Elizabeth Gilbert)

read. read. read.

story plots taken from the worldwideweb.
100910saturday

sophiasWHEEL

darating si prince charming...
magigising si snowwhite..
mag diriwang ang forest creatures...
darating ang mga bagong bisita..
aalukin si snowwhite ng mansanas..
tatanggapin muli..
kakagat..
at muling hihiga sa babasaging kabaong niya..

ulitin ng tatlong beses..

100810friday

sophiasBOOMERANG

ilang araw na rin ang nagdaan mula noong huli kong takbo.  gustuhin ko man tumakbo araw-araw, naging madalas ang pagdalaw ng haring ulan. tuloy, napilitan mag pahinga ang mga paa ko at maghintay na lamang sa susunod nitong pagtakbo.

maganda ang mga sinag ng haring araw kaninang umaga.  sa paglalakbay ko papunta sa binubuo kong bagong lungga, bulong ng puso ko na pahintulutan ng ulan ang araw na manatili at magbahagi ng init sa sangkatauhan. maswerte ata ako sa araw na ito dahil hindi ako binigo ng ulan.

sa makatuwid, nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon na tumakbo noong dapit hapon.  masarap sa pakiramdam ang bawat hakbang ng mga paa ko.  masarap din pakinggan ang bawat pag hinga at ang pintig na puso tuwing tumatakbo ako.  ngunit sa ikalawang ikot ko, biglang sumakit ang isang bahagi ng aking katawan.  marahil ay nanigo na naman ang katawan ko.  sa sobrang sakit nito, napilitan akong tumigil.. ano mang pilit kong magpatuloy, nanatili ang sakit nito.

ayaw ko pa rin tumigil, kaya kahit lubos ang sakit na nararamdaman, pinilit kong ipagpatuloy ang pag ikot.  sa halip na tumakbo, pinilit kong ilakad ang aking mga paa paunti-unti.  matapos ang dalawang ikot, naramdaman kong handa na akong muli na ipagpatuloy ang aking takbo.

(isang buntong hininga)... sa pagpapatuloy ko ng aking takbo, biglang nag iba ang simoy ng hangin sa paligid ko.  lubog na ang araw, at paunti unti ng lumalabas ang mga bituwin.. tuloy ang takbo, hanggang sa biglang tumulo ang mga luha ko.  ngayon lang ito nangyari. sinabayan ng luha ang bawat hakbang ng mga paa ko. "Diyos ko, naririnig niya ba ako? Naririnig kaya niya ang bawat buntong hininga ko? Nararamdaman kaya niya ang mga yakap na padala ko sa pamamagitan ng bawat ihip ng Hanging Amihan? Naririnig niya ba ako?..."

ito na ata ang pinakamalungkot kong pagtakbo..  hindi ko akalain na ang isang bagay na kinukunan ko ng lakas ngayon ay mababahiran din ng mga luha ko. akala ko, sapat na ang naiipon kong lakas mula noong huling sayaw ng araw..

pati pala pagtakbo ko dadalawin din ng lungkot at luha...
kelan ba ito magwawakas?

"God, miss na miss ko na siya."

100910friday

cakeWALK

i received a text message from a new friend, and it says..

 true love is like a man playing chess,

always afraid of losing his queen..

and a girl ,

risking just to protect her king..

if every story would have this plot, i can probably say that no birds and coys will be scared to go to the forest of narnia to see what it has to offer them.. 
no birds and coys will be to occupied of the pain of losing their "one" and look forward to "happy endings"..

if every story would have this plot, birds wouldn't go weary, and coys wouldn't just turn out  simple but rather extraordinary..

if every story would have this plot, "narnias" will be worth every second of waiting.. every stab of pain.. every drop of tear.. every broken vow.. and every scar created..

if every story would have this plot,

loving will be like walking on cake..

and baking it again...

100410monday

 

 

specialGREETINGS

it's st. francis' day.

happy birthday coach..
glad to have you around.. :)

100410monday
 

morningSUNSHINE

i just woke up.. being alone in the unit gives me a warm feeling.. i guess solitary moments are becoming more precious to me than ever..

i went to the bathroom and stared at my reflection on the mirror..
surprisingly, i felt i looked pretty today..
yes, i think i look beautiful today..
i let out a deep sigh...

wala lang,
just thinking aloud..

happy monday everyone..

100410monday 

paperBOATS

caught in the rain..
and the playlist within
echoed...

ang pag-ibig kong ito
luha ang tanging nakamit buhat sa'yo
kaya't sa Maykapal twinay dalangin ko
sana'y kapalaran ko ay magbago...



and after all that we've been through
i will make it up to you, i promise you
and after all has been said and done
you're just a part of me i can't let go..

if you be my boat
I'll be your sea
a depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity
ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze
I live to make you free
I live to make you free..


100310sunday

unfinishedBUSINESS

just when i thought everything's going the way i wanted..
just when i thought i can safely say that i am half way to completing my lost pieces..
just when i  thought i was starting to have my sound sleep..

the call for clicking the stupid mouse came again..

alas...
another Big stupid u-turn...

now what?
is it another "back at one" scene?

when will i ever learn?
(go on now... to the shower.. and spill the tears..)
after all,
no one would notice..



100110friday