Tuesday, December 11, 2012


masaya ako ngayon.
naluluha ako sa sobrang kasiyahan.
nararamdaman ito ng puso ko.
pero batid ko din ang alinlangan.
ang pangamba na kapag nabigong muli,
hindi ko na alam kung paano mag simula uli.
kung paano bubuohin ang sarili.

masaya ako ngayon.
abnormal ang tibok ng puso ko ngayon.


Wednesday, November 7, 2012


just when i am nearly in the peak of the brand new me, God sends me one huge surprise of a lifetime.

Lord naman, and hirap naman nito.. :(

ay naku ay naku!! paano ba ito?


Monday, November 5, 2012

Tuesday, October 30, 2012


exchanging stickies with an officemate..

nikki: ei tsong, ok ka lang? tindi ng sagutan ah.
officemate: ok lang ako. matira matibay. sya ang bumigay.
nikki: iba ka talaga. di ko kaya ang gawa mo. lamat na naman yan. although lalaban din naman ako pag nasaid na ko. pero iiyak pa rin ako. haha.
officemate: iyakin ka kasi. hindi pwede ang ganun. if she wants war, i'll give her war. so dapat may bala ka lagi.
nikki: i can give you war if you ask one. pero mangyayari lang talaga yun pag said na ko. tsaka, elitista kasi ako. i need to choose my wars well. haha.
officemate: hindi kasi ako kagaya mo na napa ka structured na tao na pati pag laban naka checklist.
nikki: di ninyo talaga tatantanan ang checklist ko ha. sige, good luck girl!

am i really that structured?
i wonder...


Tuesday, October 23, 2012


at kung ang pagsinta ay di man nagtagal
ang mas mahalaga natutong magmahal
umibig na walang panghihinayang
kahit malamang na masaktan

he always saw himself as a ninja.  and just like a true ninja he lived in his own forms of silence, knows all types of combat and was invincible in his ways. but he was no ordinary ninja.  he was extra special. because aside from his mighty skills, he knew love. in that submission to love, he became vulnerable. he was doing well with love as his new weapon until he met and encountered pain.suddenly, things were never the same again.

ang pag asa'y walang hanggan
pag ibig ay walang hadlang
at lilipad ang saranggola sa ulan

like any other pain story, his was not too far from an isolation. its the same broken hearts, unfulfilled promises, vanished dreams, shattered pieces, bucket of tears, wrong directions, can't eat, can't sleep, lost souls,  tulala and more tulala and tulala uli. he experienced every grueling form of falling and unfathomable dying. 

then again, as he has embraced love so tightly, it was even more powerful than letting himself lose in the process. love as the mightiest weapon, taught him to look up again, and see hope in his brokenness, one step at a time.

ang bato sa tubig ay lulutang
at lilipad ang saranggola sa ulan

any form of love never promised that the journey would be a bed of roses. embracing love is the same way as embracing the bumpy roads of life, the roller coaster of emotions. embracing love teaches one to be vulnerable yet hopeful that life has a lot more to offer than the pain that circumstances can bring.

he always thought he was a ninja. and although ninjas are invincible, it doesn't mean they don't get hurt. and so, sometimes, new warriors come along.

that was when blue ranger was born. so whether or not the ninja will return, what is important is that he knew love. and he in truth, loved deeply too.

at the end of the day, ninjas or blue rangers will always be special treats from heaven. after all, they were made and are meant to be that way in the lives of the chosen few.

and when they are ready again, lilipad ang saranggola sa ulan.

at gaya ng mga MyangLigaw, i will wait for that one day when i will see a full smile on the ninja's or the blue ranger's face.

no regrets coach,
only hope.

lifted some lines from saranggola sa ulan ni gary granada

Monday, October 22, 2012


its exactly 2 weeks ago when someone asked me how i am doing, and i heard myself saying "im okay. i am happy."

i cried when i realized that after a very long time, it was only on that day that i said "i am happy." those were happy tears of course. finally, i know that my wings are stronger and are ready for its next big flight.

in introspection, i know that i really cannot change things anymore. what i have now is way different with what i used to have. i may have lost some people along the way, but my life would have been colorless if not for them anyway.  i may have not known this side of me if i did not risk and go out of my comfort zone. i may still be afraid of death if i did not see and experience dying.

life will always be a big mystery in many ways. but one thing for sure, what are written in the stars will fall in its place according to the Master's perfect time.

i miss naga. i miss adnu. i miss the people. i miss my nagaMoOn.

but i am happy where i am now.
finally, i have learned to embrace that i am exactly where God wants me to be.

i am teary-eyed now, but yes,
along with this big sigh coming, is my heart and souls' whisper that
i am happy.
i am okay.
i am home.


Monday, September 24, 2012


the wind whistles a comforting invitation.
you respond like you're taking in the sweetness of amihan.
you enter a new world again. that which is weird but gives you meaning.
you embrace a state of comfort zone. you again transform in your carefree spirit.
dawn breaks and you part.
you face sunrise and pulls you to retrospect. you dislike it.
your heart whispers its okay. your mind tells otherwise.
you retrospect even more. you start to feel stupid all over for being vulnerable.
you stare at that same ceiling, having that all-too-familiar feeling once more.
you let out a deep and long sigh.
you close your eyes then allow slumber to take you to neverland.
you wake staring at those visions of  the night's face.
you let out a deep and long sigh.
you realize its another day.
you see visions again. you smile. you frown. you feel blessed. you feel stupid.
it will be another 2 or 3 days of roller coaster emotions.
and then you are well again.
welcome to your usual captain barbel cycle.

09242012monday with monday blues

Tuesday, July 31, 2012


"great things start from small beginnings... " 
each runner runs his own race. some run for fun. some run to win. some run for health. some run to give. ikaw, ano ang hinahabol mo?

i signed up for the 2012 21k milo marathon to join some of my friends who will be running their first full marathon. i hardly trained for the run because i chose to focus on learning how to swim.  so, for almost 6 months, it was more of swimming than running. but yes, i still pushed through with the signing up.

my phone started to make noise at 2:00 am on race day. it was my sign to wake up and prep up for the run. i started to have second thoughts of pushing. the urge of just staying with my bed and enjoy my sleep was too strong. my mind was telling me that since there was no training, it will be really foolish of me to continue. my phone alarmed a couple of times more.. at 2.30 am, i found myself getting up and proceed with the original plan.

i arrived at the mall of asia start up area an hour early before gunstart. my heart was on its usual cheer up mode as i started to see the green shades all around (pretty much the sight of dlsu color)... i was hearing myself say.. "God, i really love this color.."... then i started to hear the milo song again.. i really love that song.. its like potion to a goal and a dream...it was fun to be surrounded by many runners, and they are from all ages.. really a happy sight and emotion for me..

i never got to see my friends before gunstart.. but i didn't feel alone because the presence of all other runners were enough to keep me company.. then there it is, the signal that soon it will be run time.. :) then bang!!! the 21k runners are up on the road.

my mind was kinda worried that i wont get to the 10k cut off time.. but i just continued running.. i was praying for strength because i really want to reach the finish line..  i was actually happy that i met my personal target for the 10k mark... i started to worry for the remaining distance.. i rejoiced when rain started to pour in.. i was really praying for it because i feel better running in the rain.. the company of rain made me feel like i am supergirl.. :) as i reached the 15k mark, i found myself laughing.. i was just thinking how foolish i am for signing up for the run without really training for it.. i realized it was a crazy thing for me to do.. but then, there was no other way but to just keep running and push myself to more limits..

17k mark started to make things worst... my lower legs were starting to hurt big time.. i was thinking of stopping but i felt that i'll collapse if i stop.  so i decided to walk and run until i reached the finish line.

like any run that i do, whether meeting my target time or not, reaching the finish line is always an accomplishment for me. i was laughing after realizing that my time today was even longer than my first 21k run with two sprained ankles.  this only proved true that trainings are important in everything that we do.. (lol).. but then again, a finish line is always icing on the cake for people who love running but are not very good with it.. (lol)... 

later i was joined by two of my friends who ran the 42k category. aldrin got himself a finisher's medal, while kuya rodel was not not able to meet the cut off time but still completed it anyway.  it was a rainy sunday race, but it was happiness to the heart.

it took me 3.12 hours to finish.. but it was 3.12 grueling but glorious and happy hours for me. 

i first joined the milo fun run 3 years ago. running for milo is my way of sharing a little piece of myself to other kids. running for milo is making dreams one step closer to many children. running for milo means giving shoes out of hard work, determination, and generous hearts.

i run because it brings me closer to God.
i run to give.
i run to heal. (someday soon).
sa ngayon, iyon muna ang hinahabol ko.


Saturday, June 30, 2012


I am not a good runner, but I love doing it.. i love the rush it causes inside me.. the experience of sweating is like adding up time to my life’s hourglass.. and the sound of my breathing gives me that fire to push and go beyond my limits.

one of the first things I included in my bucketlist many years ago was to join a marathon.  I first joined the milo marathon in 2008.. for beginners like me, the 5k route felt like a full marathon already (im sure journeying james would not agree that 3k & 5k distances won’t make up the definition of a marathon)..  nonetheless, reaching the finish line was more than a great experience for me. 2009 Milo Marathon came and it was really fun to be running with via yang and Pilosopong Tasyo.  This time though, the finish line was not just a completion but a gift celebrated with people dear to me. i never saw myself running on a regular basis during those times, but I made sure I join if there were opportunities for it.

Until I decided to leave home and start a new life here in the metro.. I had no friends. Worst, I was like trapped in the past and in the memories of home.  Everything around me was lonely that I felt I needed to run non-stop to deviate myself from all the pain.  Aquaman advised me to start running.. and just keep running until it melts the negativities away.

Then I started to find comfort in every time I spent with running.. I was still alone but it started to fill me up in mysterious ways.  I was still lonely, but every finish line brought me to a different level of bliss. I then found myself joining more marathons.  I wasn’t into making my best time, rather, I just made sure I enjoyed each run I did. http://www.runningMYA

i consider my runs even more special because I get to take part with the causes they were made for.  Most, if not all runs are organized for a good cause. It’s like hitting two birds with one stone: I run and I help. Not to forget, I started to gain friends who were also into the sport which more or less allowed me to open my doors to building new friendships. it was becoming more like gifts given to me.

2012, I am happy that once again, ill be running my third milo marathon this july.  I am not actually too prepared for it, but just like any run that I do, ill do it for the cause and the happiness it shares with me.  I am really excited that this year’s milo marathon will mean more and more and more shoes for children who need one.  Just thinking of the happy faces of the children who would be receiving their shoes makes me want to cry happy tears while dancing around. I am just really thankful that there are so many generous souls ready to give their share.

I’m running the 21k distance and hopefully I complete it injury-free. It will be nearly two years now since I embraced running, and I am very happy to say that I have ran quite well.  I may not yet be whole right now, but I am definitely a lot better and stronger, in my heart, mind,  and spirit.

Running did not really teach me to forget what love is.  rather, it taught me to love more even if you are still broken.  i'll continue to run as i continue to heal.  because at the end of the day, just like reaching the finish line, letting go and moving on is not a sprint but a journey to be embraced. 

Ako si MYAngligaw, at ito ang kwento ko. What’s your running story?


Check out milo marathon website for more details http://www.nestle.com.ph/milo/marathon/thecause_about.html

Tuesday, June 26, 2012


for people who really know me, i can definitely say that they will agree if i say that i am a hopeless romantic.. ok, let me correct that, they'd probably say i used to be one (so that means i'm no longer that girl they used to know)..

but truth is, i am still a hopeless romantic. although my friends would often see me grin every time i see lovers sticking too close like there's no more tomorrow, i still get that kilig moment once in a while.. :) i know that i'll always adore love letters, feel like heaven's so near with crazy nothings, and be in a nirvana like state whenever i'm asked for a slow dance.  i know that i can still go gaga over surprise poetry readings and feel like i'm the prettiest girl in the entire universe just because of a santan flower.  over and above those things, i will always believe in ever afters as i continue to see my parents still so in love with each other after almost 37 years.  that alone is enough for me to believe that there is really magic. that there is really such thing as one true love.

i am not in the mood to be bitter now (hehe)... you may be wondrin' what i am bubbling about here.. i came across a video of a wedding proposal over youtube last night. i loved it so much that i got caught up watching too many wedding proposals. i really enjoyed watching them that i even shed happy tears while watching some of them. (happy sigh), it was just really magical seeing people inlove.. here are some of my favorite videos..

they say every girls greatest dream is her wedding day.. but any girl who sees forever right before her eyes would definitely wear any gown and proceed to a wedding ceremony even right after a proposal.. :) and of course, who would say no if the whole america is there dancing and cheering! :)

and because i love dancing... this is an easy yes...

i instantly loved this video because the couple looks so cute together.. plus i also love mrt and lrt rides when its not too crowded... hai... love is all we need.. love love love..

although i don't really understand why the girl needed to stand on that cute green chair, i just saw a lot of respect from the guy and how much the girl really meant to her.. so cute... 

i super love watching this too... he loves angry birds, but he loves happy francisca more.. (double sigh).. :)

of course, there's the classic school rival love story... ateneo*la salle happily ever after..

hmmm... there's actually so much videos that will surely melt your heart.. but that's all for now.. its almost 1:00 am again..

see, Pilosopong Komikero and Mommy D, i am not the gringe and definitely not a happy zapper as you may be thinking.. i still believe in magic and love... don't i??

062612tuesday na pala.. :)

Saturday, May 26, 2012


i went strolling at the mall after my class.. it's sta lucia's 21st anniversary and there was a talent search for kids going on at the activity center.  i decided to find a good spot and watched the cute kids do the ramp.  then there was the turn of guest artists to perform.  kapuso talents louise de los reyes and alden richards performed song numbers separately. i really enjoyed watching the fans go gaga over them.  it was like watching simple but pure happiness.  my heart was also happy seeing people celebrate their simple joys.

sometimes, whenever we see girls freak out because they see their favorite artists, a lot of us find them over-reacting and shallow. but this afternoon, i just realized that really, the best things in life are free.

thank you God for simple joys.. :)

ps. ang ganda ni louise at sobrang cute ng dimples ni alden.. :) 



hello Jesus.. and gwapo mo naman ngayon! :)

this was the first thought bubble i had upon entering our session hall during my 3-day retreat at the Carmelite missionaries, center of spirituality in tagaytay.  i knew that my heart was extra happy because at last my waiting for the big-day was over.  finally, it's wasting time again with Jesus. :)

one of my favorite spaces 
my retreat experience today was special in a different way. compared to my past retreats where i do a lot of talking, this time was more like allowing myself to just sit beside Jesus and embrace the music of silence. graces came pouring like rain, everything was just pure blessing.  i will be sharing with you my first response to the first invitation of silence, prayer, and reflection..

2011 was pretty much like 2010. no day went by without me going back to my reasons for leaving home.  not a single day passed without looking and longing for people whom my heart knew well. it was painful. it was an everyday struggle. not a single day went without me asking God "why?"

at the roofdeck.. i so loved this space
but like all of my other crosses, i took the experience with full embrace.  hard as it is, i embraced every pain and tear.  with stubborn-like humility, i placed myself in the arms of God and waited for the perfect time.. courage to accept things i cannot change, strength to do the things i need to do, and most of all, wisdom to know the difference.. those were continuous shout outs and whispers to God.

i waited. i hurt. i waited while i hurt.

the struggles of each day.. the pain of the entire process.. the whole idea of waiting.. the u-turns and many relapse were graces in itself.

i just needed to wait. and understand. and hope in His love.

i knew and felt that something will happen in His perfect time.

because He never left me.

i am truly grateful because i know that i am blessed in so many ways. as i go back to my normal life, i bring with me a rested heart and a re-fueled spirit. i continue to beg in prayer that i always be reminded that all that i have now, and all that i do is for my God's greater glory.

retreat 051712 to 051912
posted 052612sabado

ei Jesus, ang gwapo mo talaga ngayon :)

i love this picture so much.. and i longed for papa all the more 
like unspoken love, it's the loudest sound of all :)
with yellowGuy (Gee)
after the retreat. L-R: james, ms. peachy, dotie, fr. florge sj, me, dianne

Saturday, May 19, 2012


people were asking me about my birthday project this year? last year was a simple party at the virlanie foundation and friends helped raised school supplies for the kids (http://bagonglangit.blogspot.com/2011/05/beautifulsouls.html). it was indeed a fun-filled day.

this year, i have decided to support a scholar from kara david's project malasakit. since i also believe that education is meant to be shared to everyone, i believe that through this, i will be able to help in the advocacy on education. i don't have much resources to share, but i think my small amount of contribution which will be in a monthly basis will help out in ways more than one.  

the project malasakit supports a number of scholars.  mostly identified through the documentaries covered by kara david.  one of the scholars is actually from camarines norte, jonel dasco, who is a child laborer in paracale.  i was able to watch him in the i witness documentary gintong putik and was really saddened that he has to work for a lot of reasons.  seeing him just made me even more decided to do something about it. 

school is about to start, and i am also excited for the scholars to be back to the classrooms again.  if you would like to also help, feel free to check the website and share it with friends. instructions on how you can be of help to the foundation are reflected on the site.

little steps can bring so much if put together.
so, for those who helped me raise funds at last year's birthday project, i would welcome help with waiting arms.

because at the end of the day, like jonel and other people working for the family, the purpose for doing things is even more than getting gold... dahil hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto.. :)

no one has so little that there is nothing more give,
nor so much that there is nothing more to receive.



nothing is really too late to let people you love know how important they are in our lives...
so here goes,
to the most beautiful woman i will ever know,

happy mother's day mama.
i will always thank God for your unconditional love for all of us.

thank you for raising us well, for teaching us what love is and what love is not.
thank you for being the best mama.

know that i love you so much.


Wednesday, May 9, 2012


dear God,
please take care of my papa
i really feel so helpless being apart from him
keep him in your healing arms
in full humility i beg you this


Sunday, May 6, 2012


 i just turned 33. oh boy! another year older. :)

my age was never an issue for me. although a lot of people love to joke about my age, it never goes down to my nerves.  probably because age is just a number for me.  and so, turning 33 still merits a celebration!

it was a real deal when i first received my first text of the day.  haha.. God surely knows how to make someone truly happy. day at the office was a mixture of lovely greetings and cute gifts. i received a mc donalds muffin with cheese and a greeting card from my officemate's children (isyan, mine, and brian). papa bear also gave me my favorite belgian waffles (yummy!)..  but what was hilarious was receiving this ube hopia from an officemate.  he did not know that the color is like my kryptonite. i took the gift anyway, but told him i am not going to eat it.  we had a big laugh at it. :)

my sisters (and their boyfriends) and our housemates prepared something for me as well. i was like this little kid whose eyes got too excited upon seeing big-multicolored-balloons on the floor.  bhem prepared desert for all of us.  it was really so sweet of her to do that.   

i also received these cute greeting cards from dyllan and dynelle.  they're really so cute.  they also showed me their singing and dancing skills to make me happy during the salo-salo.  my sisters also had fun watching them.  it was truly a blast.  their energy was contagious. 

the day's celebration was simple but it was more than enough.  how i wished my papa and mama is here with us for the celebration, but just hearing their voices make me feel they're also around.  greetings from friends at home was a gem too. i must though admit that i still cried after realizing i miss someone so bad.  

at the end of the day, i slept feeling blessed with so much. i am with people who supports and love me; i love what i am doing at work; my boss is sending me to school which is really exciting; i am improving on my swimming skills; and my sisters have really good boyfriends.  

i just turned 33. oh boy! another year older.  not complete.. but happy :)

thank you Lord!


Tuesday, April 17, 2012


i was still trying to make way for my new heaven.. trying to get used to the roaming people everywhere.. trying to pacify myself with the absence of my bicolMOON and skies.. and trying to find comfort and refuge in the company of new friends..

just when i am starting to get comfort in all the newness of my world, you were there standing in front of me..
and everything just changed..

suddenly my routines were getting mixed up again..my so-usual-preoccupied-mind was frequently visited by thoughts of you.. and then my morning and night prayers started to whisper your name..

i guess my mind is experiencing one hell of a great spin again..
and i am getting a heart attack...

at the end of the day,
i know that this should not be happening

because at the end of the day (still)
i'd rather remain on common grounds than see myself at the losing end again..


unless you are really for real.

but you're not.
of course
you're not.


Monday, April 16, 2012


i asked God "why?"...
because i really don't understand.. :(

or is this just monday blues?