Friday, April 22, 2011

bendedKNEES

i went inside the church light-hearted. i noticed that there was a vigil (on the sorrowful mysteries) going on. i decided to stay at the farthest end of the church, knelt down and joined in the invitation to reflect. the scourging at the pillar video started to roll. while Jesus was being scourged, i saw his eyes looking directly at me.  i looked back at Him, then not having the heart to see His pain any longer, i closed my eyes as tears started to fall like a flowing river.  at the farthest end of the church, i stayed on bended knees and cried like a scared little girl.

amidst the church full of people, i cried my heart out. 
sad tears. 
hurting tears.
hopeful tears.
trusting tears.
thankful tears.
happy tears.

hindi pa rin Kita lubusang maintindihan.  pasensya na kung minsan hindi ko pa rin maiwasan mag tanong. pasensya na rin kung hanggang ngayon mahigpit pa rin ang yakap ko sa aking mga nakagisnang ligaya. kilala mo naman ako ng lubos. alam kong alam mo na pinipilit kong  mabuhay sa bagong nakalaan sa akin. alam mo kung ano ang nasa stubborn kong puso. ano man ang plano para sa akin, susunod pa rin ako. dahan dahan lang, darating ako dyan.

salamat sa mga pagkakataon na nasaktan ako, mas natuto ako kung papaano mag mahal ng lubos at walang kapalit. salamat sa mga pagkakataon na natakot ako, mas natuto akong palayain ang aking sarili at magtiwala sa pagmamahal mo. salamat sa mga pagkakataon na nadapa ako, sa mga relapse, rewind, u-turns, stop overs, mas natuto akong tanggapin ang aking pagiging tao. mas natuto akong pahalagahan ang buhay at patawarin ng paunti-unti ang aking sarili. salamat sa bawat pag pagkakataon na makita ang araw at buwan, mas nararamdaman ko ang pagkakataon na mas maging mabuting tao para sa'yo. salamat sa mga taong patuloy na nagpapahalaga sa akin, mas naramdaman ko na maraming biyaya sa buhay ko, hindi man ako buo ngayon.

hindi ako hihingi ng lubos, hangad lang ng puso ko na panatilihin mong nasa mabuting kalagayan ang lahat ng mahal ko sa buhay. hindi ko rin hihingin ang mga nawala na sa akin, hangad ko lang na panatilihin mo silang masaya sa araw-araw. hindi na rin ako hihingi ng lubos na kaligayahan, dahil naranasan ko na iyon minsan. sapat na iyon para mag patuloy ako at maghangad ng mabuti sa iba. 

Lighting a candle by Poet for Life
keeping the fire burning
pipilitin kong mas maging mabuti para sa Iyo at sa kaharian mo. pipilitin kong maging malaya para sa pagmamahal na alay mo. at pipilitin kong mag mahal ng paulit ulit para hindi masayang ang pagligtas mo sa aking kaluluwa.

maraming salamat sa pagmamahal na patuloy na inaalay mo sa akin. 


042211friday

5 comments:

  1. MYAngligaw: sharing this to you a song.
    No words are left now to be spoken
    When all my promises are broken
    And all excuses i have used in justifying
    My actions move me so much closer to the fire
    But now i know
    Seems i've lost my soul

    Make me and take me
    Can you find me in this world
    I've chosen and never let me go
    Hold me and mold me
    And if there's no other way
    To make me whole
    Go ahead and break me
    Then remake me
    Hold it on i won't give up
    Coz i know you wont give up
    On me

    Grow weary of my ways pretending
    Showing i'm okay when i am hurting
    But now i know
    Time to find my soul

    Make me and take me
    Can you find me in this world
    I've chosen and never let me go
    Hold me and mold me
    And if there's no other way
    To make me whole

    I've been too proud
    And now i don't know where to go
    And like the son who came back home
    Im giving you my life
    My mind, my heart, my soul
    I'm trusting you enough to break me
    Then to make me whole

    Can you find me in this world
    I've lost and never let me go
    Hold me and mold me
    And if there's no other way
    To make me whole
    Go ahead and break, break me
    Gently remake me
    Hold it on i won't give up
    Coz i know you won't give up
    You're never givin up on me

    No, no, no, no ,no

    You're never givin up on one like me

    be safe always:)

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  2. is this a gary v song? thank you...

    after listening to the 7 last words coverage, i learned three things.. to not give up on yourself, not give up on love, and to not give up on God..

    see, my heart isnt so stubborn after all... iyon naman ang payo ni father.. hehe...

    i wish you well too.. sige lang..

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yes po kay Gary V yan:) I too not giving up:) See you po on Sunday:)hehe..

    ReplyDelete
  4. "...not give up on yourself, not give up on love, and to not give up on God."

    di ko kasi natapos 7 last words sa GMA o ABS-CBN.
    isa lang tuloy narinig kong story. hehehe

    haist, wish i could say what you've just stated ate.

    ReplyDelete
  5. @simplixiety..actually nakatulog ako, pero dumilat mga mata ko when i heard those words.. hehe..

    ReplyDelete