wrongFLIGHT

sabi nila, bumitaw daw ako
sabi nila, pinutol ko daw ang mga linya
sabi nila, ayaw ko ng kausap

sabi ko naman,
tama nga sila
totoo nga naman

pero, humakbang na akong muli
pinagalaw na ang mga daliri, binuksan na ang mga palad
pati mata, pati tenga, pati bibig
isinali pati na din ang puso

humakbang uli, ngumiti sa haring araw
humakbang uli, humawak sa nakagisnang mga kamay
humakbang uli, yumakap sa mga hinahanap-hanap na langit

nag hintay nag hintay nag hintay
wala naman sila

umasa umasa umasa
wala pa rin sila

umaasa umaasa umaasa
baka bukas

aasa aasa aasa
oo, baka bukas

ito lang ang u-turn na pinili ko ng buong puso
pero wala naman sila

ang daya naman lord
ang daya naman nila
friday pa naman ngayon

012811friday

heavensCOOKING

i am a great fan of cooking shows.. from iron chef to master chef.. from katoque, quickfire, favorite recipes, and even daddylicious.. recently, i have been to hooked up with my latest favorite reality cook show.. junior master chef australia.. God, i really love watching those kids cook their hearts out.. i have watched the entire season for the 5th time around.. funny that i often times have tears in my eyes because of happiness.. i just so love to watch them.. i really feel good everytime i see these little angels.. meet them and watch the entire season.. it's guaranteed feel-good-to-watch-show..


episode 4 part 1 - meet the top 12.. my favorites: little nicholas and pierre from new south wales, sofia from queensland, jack from tasmania, and siena... oh well, i love them all actually..



012811friday (t.g.i.f)

mrtLRT

t.g.i.f.
Pilosopong Komikero and i were in the lrt yesterday on our way home when we were happily saying those words.. YES! t.g.i.f. and i added, s.t.g.i.s. na bukas.. we were laughing our hearts out and started to create our new abbreviations dictionary.. it was really fun.. i had a tiring day yesterday, but its good to note that the entire week is turning out simply perfect.. 


before Pilosopong Komikero releases his first edition of his fun words, let me share to you some of mine which i have been using (through texts or on my me-myself-i-world) when i came here sa bagong langit.. 

e.k.t.n - engot ka talaga mya!

g.p.k.b - gee, patay kay bosing

g.n.e - god naman eh

h.a.i - hai..
h.a.i.(pouting) - sige na nga, bukas na lang uli..
h.m.p - lagi na lang busy,busy na lang lagi; ewan ko sayo; 
h.u.g.s - my sweetpeas
h.w.y - happy wednesday, yey
i.l.y - i love you
i.m.y - i miss you
i.s.y - (secret)
p.s.n.o - pak shit naman oh!
p.v.m - positive vibes marshee (bago lang ito)
q.r - quite right

q.w - quite wrong

s.c.k - si chubs kasi (bago din ito)

s.h.a.i - super hai..
s.p - simply perfect

s.t.g.i.s - super thank god its sabado

t.g.i.f - thank god its friday (duh! like its new huh?)

g.r.s.c. - di mo na talaga ako kakausapin forever?

g.r.s.c. - as in hindi na talaga?

seems nonsense but its part of my world right now.. happy weekend everyone!!

012211sabado

(perfect sabado, PK and i went for a run at the ultra, and saw two happy souls [from home] at the mall) 

unconditionalLOVE

today, papa cried because of me

and probably,

mama shed tears too..

sa buong buhay ko, ngayon lang umiyak si papa,

and it breaks my heart to know that..

i'm in tears writing this,

but though i am hurting, i am more thankful because of their love..

one thing i am happy with what happened recently,

is the desire i have right now to keep moving and smile everyday..

kahit ano pang dumating,

kahit may mga nagbago, o may kulang,

kahit malayo, kahit bali ang pakpak,

kahit ano..

kaya ko na..

kahit truck, sasalubungin ko para sa kanila..

i'll try triple hard to make my everyday in full blast,

to make everyday happy (to the nth power)..

to embrace everything with an open heart..

kaya ko pa!

kaya ko na!

dahil malaki masyado ang puso ko..

dahil mahal ako  ng papa at mama ko..

dahil mahal ako ng mga kapatid ko..

011911wednesday

(making everyday, wednesday) :)

foreverTHANKFUL

today was a sad day..
i spend most of my day crying again..
i committed a big mistake which hurt my parents,
it should have hurt my sisters too (only that my parents chose not to tell them anymore)

i just realized how much they really love me, lalo na ni papa..
i really messed up..
but with what happened, it brought me to realize more and more how blessed i am to have them.

and in thanking God for them,
i will make sure to make everyday a day of letting people important to me
know how much i value them..

that no matter what the odds are,
ill keep letting you know i count you as gifts from heaven..

thank you.. from the bottom of my heart..

011610sunday

frozenTIME

i know i wanted to write something today  but just cant put the words together. its been 36 minutes of staring at a weighing scale with a picture of a fat, smiling, yellow pig with a weight for height chart beside it.. damn.. this pig is surely fat but does look cute..

just talking nonsense..
its probably the effect of running in the rain a while ago..

wala lang..

011411saturday

changingHEART

i just finished clicking the mouse to send my reply for the job offer and the possibility of going home..

after exploring the possibilities, after praying on it, after waiting for answers, signs, and more signs,

i came up with my decision..

digdi ka na lang.. halata man na gustuhon mo na mag balik (Bolang de Kanto)

whatever will make you happy (Pilyong Querubin)

ask for a sign (Fine China)

head or heart (Free Spirit)

kung saan ka masaya, dun ako (Pusong Matapang)

basta kung ano man yan, just seek happiness (Seth)

whatever your heart tells you (Via Yang)

you will learn everything along the way (Wisdom Tooth)

i said Yes to going home..

hindi pa sapat ang kaalaman para yumakap sa mas malaking posibilidad.. hindi pa rin handa na lumipad sa mas malawak na kalangitan.. hindi pa panahon para makita ang mga ngiti ng nakagisnan na mga anghel sa buhay ko.. hindi pa handa ang Mya..

i said Yes to going home..

all signs led me to say Yes..

i need not flip a coin (http://bagonglangit.blogspot.com/2010/07/flippingcoins.html) to know the answer..

even the skies showed me the clues..

i said Yes to going home..

this new place gave me the chance to start and pick the pieces.. the people have started to embrace me for my vulnerabilities and idiosyncrasies.. time and chances made me see another view of starless and moonless nights (but can be heaven all on its own).. situations allowed me to accept my fears without leaving them behind.. options brought me to arrive to a choice (half hearted or whole).. choices taught me to hold on to hope and its meaning..

i have to shut my eyes to see the signs again,..
i have to pretend not to hear the answers..
i have to skip a heartbeat to numb the call..
i can't look, listen, and feel right now..
because i have to go against the obvious,
i have to take on another route..
and settle for an option (rather than a choice)..

with tears in my eyes, i clicked the mouse..

i said Yes  

going home na..

only that its a different home i'm going to..

for now.

for now.

see you later guys.. 

"kung  hanap mong kasiyahan ay yung di ka masasaktan,

tanga ka!"

-hernandez (2011) on eudaimonia, translated by hubert abergos from  bicol to tagalog-

011210wedenesday

(to think its a wednesday)

vowVOW

im sorry
am i hurting you?
again?


kasalanan ko rin naman ito eh
noong una kitang makita, parang ang lungkot mo
everything was painful for you,
sabi ko sa sarili ko, sana hindi kita mahalin
kasi alam kong sasaktan mo rin naman ako
nasaktan na rin ako dati
pero hindi ganito
yung nagmamahal ako pero namamatay ako 


i wish i had another heart
the one that doesn't love you too much
kaya lang, isa lang ang puso ko
kahit paulit ulit mong saktan
mamahalin ka pa rin niya


mahal ka ng puso ko


iloveyou
iloveyou


-lifted from the movie Paano Kita Iibigin (2007)-
010911sunday






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yesBALEIGH

meaning, the main reason after all this time kaya ka umalis is...
-Pilyong Querubin-


010811sabado

mmmDECEMBER

my december homecoming wasn't all bad and sad.. i also had a couple of happy times of course.. it was a short vacation but it also seemed too long for a super scared bird to go out of its cage (spent the holidays practically locked up inside the house).. but because i am happy today (yes because its wednesday) let me post some of the happy december memories for 2010..

it was not an inverted christmas tree (although it should have been better if it was made that way).. nonetheless, it was a white christmas (okay na rin..)..

mama's homecooking (nothing beats it!)..

lunch out at tribo grill with the bunch of latecomers pero mahal ko pa rin.. (no pictures please..)..

starbucks with kidos..

went to mass with my left man..

run for the greater glory of God (yey, 27 minutes - bawal mag react and bolang de kanto - ) really really happy to be running alongside you.. 

darn, i could have done way better if not with that side stitch thing.. - just another 5k,and 10k here i come..).. beautiful singlet ey..

joy ride with Pusong Matapang one super rainy afternoon in camalig, albay.. (hwag na natin i-post ang picture.. banggag ako eh..)

people who will never let me down... :)

the wind beneath my wings..

sisters act...

and of course..

that forwarded text which completed my 2010 (i can do with that)..

it makes me smile again..

010511wednesday

(yes, its wednesday)

happy wednesday, sweety..

hai2

i was going through my old stuff and i stepped upon scribbles i made for a love rendezvous 2010 endless love  video (we did not use this write up because the other one was way better)..






i sing this song to you

for 101 reasons
or simply just because..


i never asked  God for  you, but all roads led me to find you

i was doing well, things were all planned out, when suddenly you came

you were not part of the plan, you were the unexpected

i had all the reasons to say no to love 

i had all the reasons to stop believing in love

but you were reason enough for me to turn back 

and believe in magic again

you were reason enough to say yes to beyond and more

kneeling here before God,
my heart and soul shout..


in times of plenty and in times of none

in  a hundred years of sorrow and boundless happiness

in sickness and in health

in kept promises and broken vows

in good hair days and shitty ones

i vow to love you with all my heart and soul

my bestest bestfriend, my lover, my partner
my worst enemy, my all

i will love you forever and more

i will love you forever and beyond

everything i know of love

i know because of you

thank you for coming into my life


when everyone else believed that 
one cannot have everything,
your coming proved it wrong

thank you for beyond beyond

i love you

i always will


red is  the color of  my love
my endless love

010311monday

tripleHAI

can one really start up the year right when she feels there are unfinished businesses blocking the way? can everyday pass by smoothly when the same thoughts greet you as soon as the sun rises, and the same tears put you to sleep at night..

just whispering things up to heaven...
hai..
hai..
hai..

010211sunday

doubeHAI

i was there staring at Him during the mass.. asking Him why i still seem to be on the same spot.. alam naman Nyang hirap na hirap na ko.. i have lifted everything up already.. i have already asked Him to take over.. pero bakit may nararamdaman pa rin akong sakit.. ano ba gusto Mong gawin ko pa.. i have already embraced it.. i have already embraced the absence, the changes, the defeat.. but why still feel this hallow part in my heart every minute of the day.. i still dont get it Lord.. i still dont understand.. hai.. hai..

010211sunday