changingHEART

i just finished clicking the mouse to send my reply for the job offer and the possibility of going home..

after exploring the possibilities, after praying on it, after waiting for answers, signs, and more signs,

i came up with my decision..

digdi ka na lang.. halata man na gustuhon mo na mag balik (Bolang de Kanto)

whatever will make you happy (Pilyong Querubin)

ask for a sign (Fine China)

head or heart (Free Spirit)

kung saan ka masaya, dun ako (Pusong Matapang)

basta kung ano man yan, just seek happiness (Seth)

whatever your heart tells you (Via Yang)

you will learn everything along the way (Wisdom Tooth)

i said Yes to going home..

hindi pa sapat ang kaalaman para yumakap sa mas malaking posibilidad.. hindi pa rin handa na lumipad sa mas malawak na kalangitan.. hindi pa panahon para makita ang mga ngiti ng nakagisnan na mga anghel sa buhay ko.. hindi pa handa ang Mya..

i said Yes to going home..

all signs led me to say Yes..

i need not flip a coin (http://bagonglangit.blogspot.com/2010/07/flippingcoins.html) to know the answer..

even the skies showed me the clues..

i said Yes to going home..

this new place gave me the chance to start and pick the pieces.. the people have started to embrace me for my vulnerabilities and idiosyncrasies.. time and chances made me see another view of starless and moonless nights (but can be heaven all on its own).. situations allowed me to accept my fears without leaving them behind.. options brought me to arrive to a choice (half hearted or whole).. choices taught me to hold on to hope and its meaning..

i have to shut my eyes to see the signs again,..
i have to pretend not to hear the answers..
i have to skip a heartbeat to numb the call..
i can't look, listen, and feel right now..
because i have to go against the obvious,
i have to take on another route..
and settle for an option (rather than a choice)..

with tears in my eyes, i clicked the mouse..

i said Yes  

going home na..

only that its a different home i'm going to..

for now.

for now.

see you later guys.. 

"kung  hanap mong kasiyahan ay yung di ka masasaktan,

tanga ka!"

-hernandez (2011) on eudaimonia, translated by hubert abergos from  bicol to tagalog-

011210wedenesday

(to think its a wednesday)