Sunday, August 1, 2010

lonelyPLANET


i actually started my day with much enthusiasm.. i was set to go to ultra to breathe some fresh air and take a walk, have my long awaited swim at the 32nd floor.. and have a good breakfast.. and yes, i was able to do all that.. i enjoyed every minute i had.. i thanked God for it..

i started the walk round the oval with the sight of the moon above me (it was again a surprise to the moon in the area).. i smiled with the sight of it.. and i knew that my heart was jumping for joy too.. its been three weeks since i arrived here.. i told myself i will swim once i feel that things are starting to unfold.. having that feeling, i finally had my first splash this morning.. brekfast was really great.. i very seldom have them.. but because i felt that i started the day right, i thought that a good breakfst would top it all.. i had sunny side up, pandesal, and milk.. yes, i had sunny side up instead of my usual scrambbled eggs..

at this very moment though, i can feel a certain emtpiness inside me.. i feel so alone.. hindi ko alam kung literally feeling ko mag isa ako dahil tulog silang lahat, o dahil talagang nalulungkot lang ako..

i can feel my eyes getting teary right now.. i just miss home so much..

gusto kong mag sorry sa mga taong kasama ko dito sa bahay.. pakiramdam ko, hindi ko nabibigyang halaga ang pinapakita nilang pagtanggap sa akin.. pakiramdam ko hindi ko nabibigyang halaga ang pagyakap na ginagawa nila para mapagaan lahat ang mga dinadaanan kong pagbabago..

i wish i can just tell my heart to really stop feeling sad.. if only i can make all things fall right in their respective places instantly.. sana ganun lang kadali..

tomorrow is going to be a new day for me.. i can only hope more..

080110sunday

5 comments:

  1. I just don't know if this applies, pero sabi ni Kung Fu Panda, for something to be special, we need to think of it as really something special.

    Isipin mo na lang na sasaya ka dyan.
    You'll be happy ate. Sabi mo nga,
    you're doing little steps.
    That would be the start.

    ReplyDelete
  2. @braveheart and simplixiety..

    never worry that i still get all sad and down once in a while.. di naman ibig sabihin nun di ako ok..

    hindi ko lang din kasi kayang mag sinungaling sa sarili ko.. but know always na kahit nasasaktan ako o umiiyak o nalulungkot, hindi ibig sabihin nun stagnant ako..

    the fact na pinili kong itaya at iwan lahat, is an indication that i am moving.. i am flying.. pero kasi, kahit kelan, hindi ko naging ugali ang mag madali.. kung kinakailangan kong sumisid para mas maintindihan ko ang buhay, gagawin ko, at hindi ako takot dun..

    kung gaano katagal, hindi ko alam.. pero ang masisiguro ko sainyo, kapag nakatayo na ako ng tuluyan, alam kong wala akong pagsisisihan.. tatanda akong walang mga what if na tanong..

    being honest with myself is the best gift i can give myself.. kaya kahit mahirap, lulunukin ko.. kahit mabagal, pagtyatyagaan ko..

    dahil hindi lang ito para sa akin..

    so dont worry for me.. instead, be happy kasi nararamdaman ko ito.. at alam ko,kakayanin ko..

    meanwhile..
    just read with me..
    write with me..
    look forward with me..

    and so i say..
    thank you for sticking around..

    ReplyDelete
  3. simplyBRAVE.

    is this just a coincidence o destined?
    SIMPLixietY and BRAVE heart...

    ReplyDelete
  4. @simplixiety..

    toinks ka.. sinadya ko yun syempre kasi tungkol nga yun sainyo no..

    hay naku yaya..
    nahahalata kang hinihintay mo si mySAM mo..

    lahat ng bagay tingin mo na DESTINY?
    hahaha..

    ReplyDelete